SANTA VERSUS THE FEDS

Date: December 17, 2009
Posted In: DLP Law

When Santa Claus comes to town next week, he better beware because instead of leaving toys for all good girls and boys, he might be sent to jail!!

If Santa was held to the same standards as a typical adult, every December 25th, he would be considered an illegal immigrant crossing our borders without a passport. It is well known that he can carry his concealed items in brightly-colored packages tied up with ribbons. Homeland Security would certainly want to know what is in those packages.

Santa flies in a custom-built sleigh which hasn\’t been approved by the FAA. He never files a flight plan, and he has no pilot\’s license. In the darkness of night, he flies his sled with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him. This is a clear violation of traffic safety regulations.

Pulling Santa\’s sleigh are eight reindeer, a federally protected species being put to hard labor. It has been rumored that none of these reindeer have the required shots, and Santa keeps them penned outside his workplace in a clear violation of zoning laws.

It is no wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution industry. He gives away his toys for free and, thus, crushes all competition.

So Santa better watch out. The government may decide to prosecute him.

It is almost surprising it hasn\’t already happened. After all, Santa Claus is everything that politicians aren\’t. He is popular, reliable, and gives us something for nothing every December 25th, instead of taking our money every April 15th.

Tom Cummings
Thomas P. Cummings has been a Partner with Dougherty Leventhal & Price, LLP since 1996 and has been with the firm since 1991. He focuses his practice on workers’ compensation, Social Security Disability and personal injury cases.